Last week’s list about those annoying social media types that drive you insane and make you want to fling your phone/tablet/computer across the room really touched a nerve. For the most part, the reception went over well. So well in fact that I started hearing all kinds of other annoying Facebook/Twitter types that I missed out on. I thought why let a good thing die? So this week on The List, we’re going to run down 8 of the even more annoying social media users that were chosen by you guys.
Full disclosure: aside from one of these, I have been all of these at one time or another and I thank friends for telling me I was annoying. Make sure you do the same to your friends. Call that behavior out and make the internet a better place for all of us.

9) The Every Day Hero

“Cleaned my house, did the dishes, went for a run and it’s only noon!”

“Changed the oil, took the kids to hockey, helped my wife cook dinner and now I’m sitting down for a minute, what a day”

Congratulations folks, you’re doing normal stuff on a Saturday, just like everyone else. Except when we see these statuses, it makes you appear very un-interesting and lame. We all do stuff.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: Hey, sometimes a dude puts in some work and feels like bragging about it.

 

8 )  The Twitter feed  getting folded into Facebook

 

One reason why Facebook and Twitter work so well independently of each other is that they serve two completely different purposes. On Facebook it’s a way to interact with friends and keep in touch with loved ones. On Twitter, it’s a far better platform for ranting, getting news updates, following people you like and discussing live events. Twitter is built to be used and updated LOTS . Like every 60 seconds if you want to. Facebook is not for that. It doesn’t need to have information constantly pumped through it. Twitter uses hashtages. Hashtags are useless on Facebook.  All of this is fine and dandy until you get that one friend that decides to sych their Twitter feed into their Facebook. Suddenly you’re seeing someone’s tweets at other people, hashtags and a constant stream of updates from the user. Let Facebook be Facebook and let Twitter be Twitter. If your Facebook friends want to see your tweets, they’ll follow you on Twitter.

Say no to inter-social media platform marriage.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: I’ve never synched the two, but I have abused my Facebook statuses like they were tweets. Sorry friends.

 

7) Sad Pandas

 

You’re having a rough go. We get it. Your life sucks right now. In fact, as long as we’ve known you on social media, it’s always sucked. Do you ever smile? One of the downsides of social media is that it starts to numb our feelings of empathy towards others because a) we become used to constant streams of sadness from specific people and b) it’s easy to look away. However it doesn’t mean it’s not annoying to see streams of emo statuses and while you might think it’s making your friends sympathetic, it’s actually doing the opposite. If you really need help, specifically ask a friend. Don’t vaguely muse about your sadness. Just call a whaaaaa-mbulance.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: Back in the Myspace days I thought this was cool. No more.

 

6) The Over Zealous Pet Owner

 

Pet pictures. Pet updates. References to “fur babies”. All. Day. Long. While having and caring for a pet is serious business…is it that serious?

Where I’ve been guilty of this: Back in the day when Fortress was still with us, I was the walking embodiment of this person. In fact, I’m pretty sure I wrote the book. At least I never called him my fur baby. Sorry for all of that friends, but he was just so damn awesome.

 

5) Hashtagger

 

 

Hashtaggers run rampant in Instagram, Twitter & Tumblr and for some reason they’re starting to creep into Facebook territory.  You know what I’m talking about. A picture of someone’s burger pops up on Instagram and you get nailed with this: #random#instadaily #bestoftheday #yyc #hot #me #mylife #delicious #best #makesmehappy #love #lover #lovely #lovliest #omg #omfg #nomnomnom #nom #burger #fries #delicious #guiltypleasure #byebyediet

The purpose of hashtags is to allow other users search for tweets, posts and pictures that they might be interested in. It’s really useful for specific interests (ie I always hashtag #snowboard on my snowboarding pics on Instagram, because it allows riders all over the world to see my stuff and vice versa) However are people really searching for half of that stuff? As a general rule, I always assumed that 3 hashtags in a tweet was plenty and 5 tags on a photo were maximum. Apparently that’s not the case for everyone.

Also: There is no freaking reason for hashtags on Facebook. You can’t search Facebook via hashtags, so there’s NO FREAKING POINT. The small exception is importing an Instagram picture. And even then, be careful.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: Lots of it on Instagram when I was trying to build up followers. Then I realized how annoying it is so I rolled it back a little.

 

4) Fitness Person

 

 

Fitness Person is really two types of people. The person who’s always working out, training, doing sports, etc and the person who’s just starting to. Regardless of their fitness level, every time they’re in the gym, they’re tweeting about it. They’re Facebooking that evening’s exercise plan. Usually what healthy meal they’re having for dinner that night too. Expect lots of pictures of them in locker rooms or in the mirrors in front of the free weights too. There will also be lots of shared or re-tweeted graphics about “motivation”, “drive” and gym humor. A lot of people got to the gym, run and play sports. But we don’t need to tell everyone about it when we do.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: The first time I had a gym memebership in Calgary I thought I was the first man alive with Facebook and a gym membership. I apologize. I also frequently Facebook/Tweet/Instagram snowboarding things.

 

3) The New Mom

 

 

I’m probably going to get lynched for this one, but we all have had that new mom. It starts with the ubiquitous ultrasound-as-profile-pic (because you’re not a person anymore, just a vessel for a child) and then the  pregnant statuses. “Ugh I’m so fat. Pregger food rage! Give me donuts!”,  “I can’t even remember what it’s like to not be pregnant” then comes the baby, millions of baby pictures and statuses about sore boobs, no sleep, crying babies,  changing diapers, etc. If an intervention isn’t staged, expect pictures of a child’s first dump in a big boy toilet. Hey, having a child is a huge deal and I have no reason to doubt it changes your life. But not everyone needs to see it. In fact, I wonder how seasoned moms feel about it. Ever go “big deal, try having 5 kids?”. Just curious. If you really want to get a good laugh, check out STFUparents.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: I’m a man, so I can’t be a mom. And I’m not having kids. So I guess I’m just a jack ass on this one.

 

2) The Conspiracy Theorist

 

The Conspiracy Theorist is pretty sure the greys, working with the Zionists and the Illuminati, in league with the Freemasons are involved in a plot to control the world. They control the banks, the media, the military and all world governments. They were behind the outbreak of every war, 9/11, The sinking of the Titanic, the rise and fall of Communism, they faked the moon landing and they were involved in every single assassination of a world leader since the Middle Ages. And not only do they think this, they want YOU to think it too. They’re pretty helpful in that manner, sharing videos (Loose Change I & II, Zeitgeist), handy articles from less than legit sources and explanations of how seemingly normal news events are clearly the work of a conspiracy . The Conspiracy Theorist is generally pretty harmless, unless provoked with evidence that goes against the stuff they take as the gospel or if they’re asked simple questions they don’t have answers for. Expect to be called a “sheeple” , a “slave” and “brainwashed”.  I’ve been unfriended my more Conspiracy Theorists than anyone else on this or last weeks list. So beware.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: There was a brief period in my life where I though 9/11 was an inside job. It happened right after I watched Loose Change. Then I did my research.

I am now preparing for flames and links to 9/11 truther sites.

1)They Are  Saving The World, One “Share”, “Like” and “Retweet” At A Time

 

You’ve seen the posts “like this page if you want to stop cancer” “Share if you believe we should stop childhood abuse” and “retweet to end genocide”.

Does ANYONE actually think this f*cking works? Do you think there are cancer researchers saying “If only I had more likes on Facebook, it would inspire me to get this cancer cure going once and for all!” or the people abusing kids go “holy sh*t! 5000 Facebook shares? I’m not doing this anymore!”. Of course not, but thanks to the proliferation of social media and the “slacktivisim” that goes along with it, it’s enabled this weird state where we feel as if we’re contributing to solving the worlds problems with a click of the mouse. We don’t. Want to do something about these causes that you are jamming up people’s newsfeeds with? Get out there and volunteer or put your money where your mouth is. “Raising awareness” only goes so far.

Where I’ve been guilty of this: Sometimes people ask me for a retweet or to share some info with my Facebook friends. I try not to think my debt to society has been paid.

Did I miss anything else?