The internet is awesome. And compounded by that awesomeness is the rise of social media networks like Facebook and Twitter. I love social media for so many reasons. It allows us to communicate and share ideas in a very easy way. It’s very simple to stay in touch with friends and family and you can use to share your adventures, learn new things, quietly stalk celebrities and get up to the minute information from around the world.
However, there are also a growing number of downsides to social media. In addition to all of the privacy concerns, worries about hacking and scams, sometimes (or more than sometimes) the users on social media networks appear to be getting more….annoying.
Today on The List, I’m going to run down some of the more annoying social media users (Full disclosure: At one time or another I have been entirely guilty of all of these things. I try to keep it under control. However we all know there are plenty of people on Facebook & Twitter with no self control.) who make your unsubscribe/unfriend/unfollow finger itchy.
6) The Inspirational Quoter
....except walking.
I’m starting this list off nice and easy with our friend the inspirational quoter. I’m sure you have at least 2-3 of these people on your newsfeed. They pass on 2-3 lines of what they believe to be uplifting, life changing and happiness inducing pablum several times a day. Inspirational quoter believes they are changing the world one click at a time without realizing that for all of the quoting & sharing going on, they are making everyone numb to their up-lift-ing-ness. This problem has been additionally compounded by the proliferation of shareable “inspiring phrase pictures” on Facebook. So instead of copy & pasting text, all they have to do is hit share and your newsfeed looks like an un-ironic Jack Handy-eque book.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: Hey, sometimes I see a thought provoking something by a famous scientist/thinker/author. I can’t help it. I hit share.
5) The First World/White People Problems Bot
I get it, but seriously?
Facebook and Twitter allow people to vent about their problems, however minute. It makes us feel good to get a small beef off our chest and it makes us feel even better when friends chime in to share their experiences or to identify with our strife (however trivial it may be). We all do it to one extent or another but somewhere along the lines we have the friend or follower that thinks no one has real problems. It usually goes something like this:
You: “Oh my god I hate Calgary traffic. I can’t believe it took me 6 months to drive downtown from Tuscany!”
Them: “First world problems”
You: “WTF?”
Them: “There are people on this earth who can’t escape genocide, who can’t afford shoes, who could never dream of driving a car and YOU have the audacity to complain about how long it takes you to GET someone? Must be nice. ”
You: “Ummmm….ok…..”
Basically, this persons sole existence seems to be to tell you that your problems don’t matter due to your privileged of your skin colour/social standing/income/country of residence. We all have problems jerk. If you can’t handle a little venting, you shouldn’t be on the internet.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: Chastising teenagers complaining about Christmas gifts. Every. Damn. Time.
4) Vaguebookers
Exhibit: A
You know this person. Statuses & Tweets include such gems as…
“Waiting. When will it end?”
“I can’t shake this feeling”
“Take it all away”
I feel like the Vaguebooker is looking for someone to ask them what is wrong. Maybe they’ve got a real problem but they really want someone to 1) ask what’s wrong 2) make them feel better. Even if you chime in, they’re not going to give up the goods without a fight. One or two of these updates is one thing, but daily Vaguebook statuses are another. Get some help, friend.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: In the early days of social media I found myself being a vaguebooker, until a few friends called me on it and told me to cut it out. Thanks friends.
3) Compliment Fisherman
In a nutshell
The compliment fisherman is sailing the high seas of the internet, looking for someone, anyone to say something nice about them. They’ve got to be out there somewhere, don’t they? All it takes is a little skill, knowledge of your prey and the right bait!
Honestly, the Compliment Fisherman can be both male and female; gay or straight. They’re having a fat/ugly/bad hair/bad face/bad eyeball/bad shirt day and they need a little pick me up to get their groove going. What better way than to cast out into the seas of Facebook, Instagram & Twitter with a few of these gems:
“I feel fat”
“Ugh. So ugly today.”
“My hair sucks”
“I feel so un-pretty”
If the first text-based bait casts don’t work, they’ll move onto more succulent, irresistible means which usually involves a photo and the words “does this sweater make me look ugly?” or “My hips are so fat in this skirt” or my favorite “Are my boobs too big for this shirt?”
All of said bait-posts will likely be followed up by rabid replies from both sexes, proclaiming the fisherman’s beauty, grace, style and all around hotness and sex appeal.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: For Skywalkers sake, I might like a new item of clothing and I want YOU to tell me you like it too!
2) Constantly Looking For A Fight Guy
Come at me bro!
This guy is views the world like a poorly-endowed tough guy views the bar: Anyone is an opponent at any given time. And they will NOT hesitate to throw down to prove themselves to the world. Looking for a fight guy likes looking for political, ethical, sports related or even mundane arguments across the internet. He doesn’t care if he’s being inappropriate or embarrassing the original poster to his friends, family or followers, but he’s going after what you have to say, letting your know how stupid you are, how wrong your are and how you really should be bowing down to his big brain. Looking For A Fight Guy does well on Facebook, but on Twitter it’s basically the Royal Rumble, where there’s no holds barred and he can throw down against anyone, anywhere, so long as they haven’t blocked them. Got a favorite sports team? This person will tell you it sucks. Have political opinions? Guess what, motherf*cker, they are WRONG! Looking for a fight guy makes you curious about their mental well being, because the seem to be angry all the freaking time.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: Many places, many times. Until the intervention of friends. This is why I try to keep political talk to a minimum, sports trash talking sequestered to Twitter and why I brace myself any time I post a piece of music I like. I have been this man for a significant period of my life and I am walking away from the lifestyle.
1) Spammers
Anything that interests them, makes them smile or makes them outraged, they click “share” or retweet. All. Damn. Day. Everything that crosses their path that they find remotely interesting, cute, entertaining, angering they share it with you. It clogs up your newsfeed to the point where you want to walk away from Facebook & Twitter altogether. It’s like not seeing the forest for the trees. Staaaaaahhhhhp.
Where I’ve been guilty of this: Pretty much every single day. If you are friends with me on Facebook or Twitter, I pass on a lot of the information that I find interesting in a day. I read and go over a lot of stuff in pursuit of my job so there’s a lot of links flying around. I sincerely apologize if I spam you too much. Trust me, I’m only posting 1/4 of the things I enjoy, read or lol at during a day.
Who did I miss kids?
JC
January 31st, 2013 at 12:13 pm
Desperate for attention
Strives to throw in their two cents and get noticed by the popular kids (or celebs on Twitter) for the sake or whoring likes and retweets.
I’m guilty of this… and perhaps doing it right meow…
January 31st, 2013 at 12:33 pm
The Wannabe Photographer:
Look how when i apply a sepia filter, its turned this old chair into a work of art. Now watch as I send it to all my friends, and tell me how “Deep” this picture is.
The New Parent:
We really dont care if you are “@ Safeway for some diapers lol” or have an album of 30 photos of your baby doing the same thing. Please wait until your child is old enough to actually use facebook, so i can ignore their boring ass.
The Over-Sharer:
Must tell the the world about everything that is happening to them despite it being irrelevant/gross. “Totally just picked the greenest booger out of my nose ever”
January 31st, 2013 at 12:53 pm
The pregnant woman complainer.
“Ugh!! I’m so fat! heeheehee I ate like 17 jelly donuts and I’m still hungry!! My feet are swollen! Did I mention how much I looooove being pregnant!”
January 31st, 2013 at 1:10 pm
The “I am so exhausted, i did dishes, made supper, cleaned the whole house up and down, and took care of my kids and finally am sitting down” …………Ya and so did the other 500 people on facebook, here is a hero cookie for doing everyday activities.
January 31st, 2013 at 1:48 pm
The constant whiner (particularly health related):
“OMG this chinook is KILLING my head”
“Went to bed with a headache, woke up with a migrane, shoot me now!” (Ok… where’s the damn gun??)
“Exhausted. Did xxxx (fill in the blanks from Michelle’s everyday activity post) all day and can hardly move. How am I going to finish re-organizing my kid’s shirts by color??”
“Spent an hour on the treadmill because I gained a pound this weekend, my blisters have blisters, my head hurts and I’m sooo tired”
The hockey mom:
“Brutal reffing by the hometown team. We’re awesome and clearly dominate; they need their biased refs to win!”
“Too bad the other team teaches their players how to be unsportsmanlike. Clearly we would have dominated if they played fair!!”
“OMG!! The parents of the other team are INSANE!!! Clearly the only way that team can win is with disruption from the stands!!”
January 31st, 2013 at 4:06 pm
Never forget..The Instagram commenter that’s either looking for a reply aka attention, or just really…not that smart. Examples::
* Photo displaying 2 friends at a Calgary Flames game on the bleachers cheering on the team. Commenter: ‘Hey are you at the Saddledome?”
* Photo displaying someone wearing a denim vest with a band name ‘patch’ clearly displayed on the pocket (i.e. SLAYER) but the ‘R’ is hidden from view. Commenter: “Hey, is that a SLAYER patch on your vest?”
Arugh…
February 1st, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Facebook picture abuse – ladies, you are not pictures of your kids. Find a nice headshot.
February 4th, 2013 at 10:23 am
By posting this message, I am just like the people I am complaining about: complainers.
First, my BIGGEST complaint are people who complain about how crappy the Flames are despite the fact their FB photo is of them at the game with a Flames jersey on. Yet, are oddly silent when they win. Cheer for a different team then and let the real fans cheer no matter how bad they are! (much like a Leafs fan.. haha)
Second, people who complain about everything else.
February 5th, 2013 at 9:37 am
Ok so one that i thought of i would like to call “stealing facebook thunder”.
Ex: You hear from a friend that they got engaged and within minutes its on a wall or the engaged friends’ wall “blah blah and blah blah got engaged, soooo excited” before the friends ever announce to the social media of their news…….
Better yet……
You hear from a friend that they had a baby and within minutes its on a wall or the parents wall “blah blah and blah blah had a baby boy/girl named______” before the parents ever announce to the social media of their news…….
Which first of all, takes away from one telling their own news, second, people hear from randoms about people close to them or relative that they got engaged or had baby, etc. and third the people who have the news to share get their thunder taken away many times before they are even finished calling or informing their friends and family. This has got to be my biggest facebook pet peeve!
February 7th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
As far as I can tell, the only one you missed is the narcissistic picture poster. 1457 photos ALL of them, with stupid little sayings or song lyrics, most with either a duck face or a tongue handing out. And usually guilty? The ladies… the girls, actually. Here’s a tip, chicks; We don’t CARE if it’s his loss not yours. Move on. ANd stick your tongue back in. Please.
When I am guilty of this: I don’t think I am….