Easter is upon us friends and while it’s not as festive as Christmas, as excellent as Thanksgiving or as fun as Halloween, it’s not a bad holiday. It’ s like Christmas, but with less pressure, better weather, less booze and horrible pastels. And the candy. I’m a-ok with a holiday that’s all about the candy but has anyone ever noticed that Easter candy falls around 70/30 when it comes to bad and good? I initially started rolling out this List as delicious Easter candy, but then I realized there was more lousy, gross candy than good.

5) Any Chocolate/Marshmallow Combination

Marshmallow: Don't believe the hype

I can’t stand marshmallow. It’s weird and it doesn’t taste like anything other than sugar and grossness. Somewhere, someone decided that marshmallow was symbolic of Easter and then got the idea to cover it with chocolate and pass if off as being good. It’s not. Marshmallow sucks. Quit wasting good chocolate on it. Especially you, Cadbury’s.

4) Cadbury Creme Eggs

Let's take some great chocolate and stuff it full of disgusting

I’ve hated these since was a kid. Way way way too sweet. And that white stuff? Gets everywhere! It doesn’t really taste like anything yet succeeds in ruining the delicious taste of Cadbury’s chocolate. When these wind up in my easter basket, they will always be traded for something superior.

3) Peeps

Peeps: Not Even Once

I don’t even really know what the hell Peeps taste like, but it doesn’t seem right. The name alone kind of gives me the creeps, but the weird fruit and marshmallow taste doesn’t even have chocolate to help it out, so it just purely sucks all on its own. I’ll at least give it credit for looking like something, but still. Peeps are gross. Okay, peeps?

2) Pastel Coloured Jelly Beans

This picture makes me want to puke

Every jelly bean sucks (save for a few Jelly Belly flavors) except for green and black ones. The worst offenders are the pastel coloured jelly beans. In fact, I hate the pastel Easter jelly beans so much that they actually made me hate pastel colours, so every time I see someone wearing what they think is a cute/sharp springish outfit decked out in pastels, I feel like gagging. So thanks lousy pastel coloured jelly beans. You’re wrecking my life.

1) Cheap Generic Foil Covered Chocolate Eggs

You think they'll be good. But they won't.

I’m talking the really cheap, dollar store chocolate eggs. Those things are disgusting. Like, the chocolate is almost whitish in colour, to the point where you’re wondering if you really should be eating them. I swear their chocolate is cut with extra white sugar to make them go a little further, then wrapped in really bad foil so you can’t get it all off and it stings your fillings when you pop it in your mouth. It took me a long time to realize that just because something is chocolate, it doesn’t mean it’s good and this is the living proof of that.

Now, while I’m on the hate train at the moment, here’s my favorite Easter candy, just to put it in perspective

1) Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs
2) Cadbury’s Mini Eggs
3) Oh Henry Eggs
4) Cadbury Chocolate Bunnies
5) Lindor Chocolate Rabbits

Got a favorite Easter treat? Was I off the mark and hate on your favorite? Let me know!

-James/NB

I’m going to shoot straight from the hip today and hammer a specific group of people who really screw up Calgary’s roads. All week, we’ve talked about the terrified drivers, the jerk drivers and the invincible driver but one of the worst are the rubberneckers.

Rubberneckers don’t cause accidents. They feed on accidents. They are so wrapped up in human drama that they feel the need to slow down everyone behind them to gawk at what is happening on the side of the road when it clearly isn’t a hazard to them or directly impacting their driving what so ever. This point was really driven home this morning when I was driving north bound on Deerfoot trail from Mackenzie Towne Boulevard to downtown.

Earlier in the morning there was a horrific crash headed south bound just past Anderson/Bow Bottom trail. At least 5 cars involved, 16 people and 10 went to hospital. Brutal, sad and dangerous. It’s widely understood that for the rest of the morning, the southbound lanes would be very slow. However one would expect the northbound lanes to be relatively fine, just slower than usual due to the slippery conditions.

Not so. Not at all.

At 8:30 this morning, Northbound Deerfoot was backed up all the way to 130th avenue. It took me at least 20 minutes to get past the accident scene HEADED NORTHBOUND. As far as the eye could see up northbound Deerfoot, cars were CRAWLING. And while I sat in traffic, I had nothing but time to stew over such a unique problem.

The problem with rubberneckers is that they’re not causing real damage to a vehicle. They’re not doing anything illegal. They’re not even doing anything that’s usually considered rude, like cutting someone off or tailgating. They’re just slowing down and gawking for NO REAL REASON, other than to satisfy their tabloid-esque desire to stare at someone elses misfortune.

What rubberneckers don’t realize is that the moment when they slam on their breaks to take in human carnage, the guy behind him does the same. And the person behind him. And so on. Add in a few rubberneckers to the mix and it gets even worse. Make the accident REALLY bad and all of the rubberneckers come out to play, pausing extra long as if for every notch up the imaginary vehicular-accident scale, they must slow their pace accordingly. The next thing you know a major freeway is backed up for two miles, adding an extra 25 minutes to someone’s drive just due to the rubberneckers selfish, morbid, curiosity. There’s no reason for it. The accident isn’t going to jump the freeway like wildfire and somehow slam into you. Get a move on!

Who are the rubberneckers? Who are you? Come out so we can talk to you. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise, but I want you to know that what you are doing isn’t just rude, disgusting and annoying, your selfish actions screw up everyone’s morning behind you. Just so you good get a really good look to tell the girls at work. Come out and be counted so you can hang your head in shame and so we can stare at YOU? How do you think it feels? I doubt anyone will admit to being a rubbernecker, just like I doubt anyone will ever admit to paying to see an Adam Sandler movie or buying a Nickelback album, but all said it still happens all the time.

So here’s where the rest of us can improve the situation. Do you have a rubbernecker in your life? A spouse, sibling, parent, friend or co-worker who has to slow down and gawk? Slap them. Reprimand them. See a rubbernecker in traffic? Hit your horn. Hit it repeatedly. Get their gossipy asses moving down the freeway like a god damned professional.

I can only imagine how emergency services feels when they’re working with an audience like that. Is there any way police can hand out fines for obstructing traffic around an accident zone? Hit the rubberneckers where it hurts, in their wallet.

Lastly, if you’re a rubbernecker, think of the people who have just crashed. Ever been in a car wreck? How did you feel? Did you like having someone stare at you? Would you like to have a captive audience slowing down and making an even larger spectacle out of your misfortune? Of course not.

So next time you see an accident, check for hazards, then proceed as normal. Like a freaking human being.

JC/NB

For serious.

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I didn’t know this, or else I wouldn’t have spent so much of my life before I was married trying to have sex with girls. Apparently is as deadly as Russian Roulette?

I’m kidding. I’m all for pre-marital sex. Just do it safely, although there’s a lot of folks out there who disagree, such as the woman in this video, who seems to believe it’s up there with holding a loaded gun to your head. I just don’t get it.

JC/NB

As most of you know, when I’m not talking on the air ever hour, I’m on the Internet. I’m on the Internet A LOT. I mean, I’m on this bitch from the moment I get up in the morning until I turn off my iPhone at night. There’s not a lot that goes on on Facebook or Twitter that I don’t know about. Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of my female friends and acquaintances voicing their opinion on the opposite sex. It’s kind of bugging me, so I’m using my portal of the Internet to complain about it.

On three separate occasions today I saw ladies complaining about men not being “manly” enough. As if somehow, one of the biggest travesties going right now is the current state of the male race. In all three instances, no one was complaining about men hurting them, oppressing them, stealing from them, keeping them from reaching their career  goals, limiting their sexuality or making them feel self conscious about their bodies. In all three instances, it was about men not doing “man” things.

Exhibit A:

I’ll tell you what happened. For starters, these look like boys to me. Second of all, somewhere within the past 10 years, there was a push somewhere to de-masculinize men and for some, it worked. Don’t kid yourself for a minute and think that these boys wouldn’t be dressing like this if it weren’t working for them. Girls are getting down with these kids and that therefore perpetuates the culture. Want to stop boys from looking like this? Encourage your sisters to stop f*cking them. If girls in clubs got it on with men wearing paper sacks on their heads and rubber boots, you can guarantee that Ed Hardy would be pumping that stuff out by week’s end. We didn’t invent or perpetuate it. You did. Like it or not, men’s style is almost directly linked to how it effects the females in his life. If it’s working, it’s not going to change. We don’t write the fashion rules anymore. You do.

Exhibit B:

This was posted by another intelligent, smart and funny female friend on Facebook today. A number of other ladies chimed in saying “uh huh” and “so true”.

Here’s my initial response:

I whipped that little ditty up in about 5 minutes in MS paint. Am I awesome or what?

Seriously though, to all of you ladies out there who were all over the Don Draper picture, how does this make you feel?

If you’re fantasizing about Don Draper, you have to fantasize about ALL of the Mad Men world and quite honestly, it only works for white men, that’s it. Do you know what you’d be doing if you were hanging out with Don Draper? Likely getting him another Canadian Club, cooking him dinner and looking after his kids, or getting ready to have sex with him before he took off back to his real life and left you cold and alone. Step out of line? Draper isn’t above smacking a woman to set her straight! Or telling her to get a hold of herself! Or shipping her off to the doctor to get some crazy pills! So along with the fantasy of a smooth motherf*cker like Don Draper taking you out for dinner looking so damn fine in that suit, you also have to remember he can slap you and get away with it, he’s going to reek like cigarette smoke, your career opportunities are limited to “office girl” and “wife” and you can easily be replaced by the cuter, younger girl down the hall. If you’re a minority, you’ll either be cleaning up, driving the cab or operating the elevator. If you’re gay, you’ll be relegated to living in the closet and hanging out in dark parks at night.

Do you know why men aren’t like Don Draper anymore? Because we’ve spent the past 50 years making up for being racist, sexist, chauvanist and all around asshats. We can’t walk around like Don Draper anymore because Don Draper is the symbol of everything we’ve tried to eliminate for the past 50 years through civil rights, feminism, equality in the workplace. He’s the symbol of everything us white dudes used to be at the expense of EVERYONE ELSE ON THE GOD DAMNED PLANET.

I feel guilty even FANTASIZING about being Don Draper, let along trying to emulate the man. Look, I’ll be straight with you, if all the women of the world are ok being treated like the female characters in Mad Men, I have no problem acting like the male ones. Except for Pete. He’s kind of a douche.

Which leads me to Exhibit C:

(Actual friends FB status who is a good person, hard working mom and a friend, but this miffed me)

Let’s flip the script:

“There’s one thing more important than finding a woman who can take on the Zombie apocalypse and that’s a woman who can sew her family their own clothes. SERIOUSLY!! You women need to know these things. It should just be instilled in your brain. If not, you’re kind of useless. THESE THINGS MATTER!!!!!”

Imagine if a man went on Facebook and started complaining like that about a woman that couldn’t sew her own clothes. I’m not talking about a button, I’m talking about sewing her man a god damned suit. Because I’m pretty sure the man getting the Facebook shaming this morning wasn’t getting nailed for not being able to change a tire or replace a burnt out bulb. Would it be cool if a man just threw it out there he was disgusted with his partner because she couldn’t design and sew an evening gown without a pattern? Or maybe diagnose a sick child and nurse it back to health without a doctor?  Or maybe midwife another woman’s baby? Because these days, trouble shooting and fixing a vehicle can be almost THAT complicated. I know lots of guys who can fix cars, but I also know lots of guys who can’t. I know a few women who can sew their clothes, but I’m going out on a limb here and guessing that the majority just buy them at the store. I can cook a 5 course meal, do the laundry, do a 5 year old girls hair and scrub the floor by hand, just don’t ask me to fix a vehicle that requires to be plugged into a diagnostic or replace a tranny that’s more a series of electrical circuits, sliders and clips than 10 bolts on a housing.

What I’m getting at here is that why is it acceptable to make gender based attacks on men, but when the script is flipped, a dude is branded a sexist, misogynistic pig? I honestly don’t want the ability to be able to say and do these things. I’m above it. I’ve spent my 31 years on earth surrounded my women (3 sisters. Lots of girlfriends, an excellent wife, many good female friends) to know better than to be a damn pig about it. But I also know when to spot the bullsh*t I’ve practically dedicated my life to avoiding when it shows up on the other side of the fence.

It’s not easy to be a woman. This is know. This is why I have have the utmost respect for the female gender. You guys have it hard. But for everything you have hard, there’s something that a man wishes he could do or get away with that you guys take for granted. Just remember it’s the same for us. Particularly now. There is plenty of “media” and “social” pressure for men to be a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way just as it is for you. Things are tough all over. However any “real” man knows this, considers this and lives by this every single day. All we’re asking for is the same thing.

JC/NB

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I feel the need to speak about the story that has emerged in the past 24 hours out of Manitoba’s minor junior hockey system. A 15 year old player for the Neepawa Natives has come forward to talk about a “hazing” ritual which he participated in, that involved him dancing nude around a locker room with a water bottle tray tied to his genitals. The senior members of the team graded him and other rookies on their performance as they threw wet towels into the tray to weigh it down. The assistant coach was present in the room. The boy went to the team’s brass to complain about the incident and was forced to apologize to the team publicly for bringing the story forward.

Needless to say the boy’s parents see the issue a little differently and the RCMP have launched an investigation. Now, the MJHL has investigated the incident, suspending the coach for a game, suspending the assistant (who was present and did nothing to stop it) for three and will suspend several players 5 games.

As for the victim? He’s missed 8 games because he’s terrified of his teammates. After they found out that he “ratted”, he spent the next practice getting run and having pucks shot at him. He’s got nowhere to go.

This disgusts me.

As a kid who grew up in rural Saskatchewan, hockey was life. I grew up around kids who were obsessed with playing the game while I was not. I never played. It was never a big deal to me, but it always seemed weird to me how hockey players were really quick to call kids who weren’t into sports “fags” and “gay”. Think about that for a second. Can someone please tell me what’s “straight” or “hetero” about a room full of naked young men sexually taunting and assaulting other young men while a coach looks on?

The MJHL is playing this off almost as “boys will be boys”. It’s entirely wrong and dangerous. What kind of parent would want their child to be involved with an organization that essentially legitimizes this? Could you imagine if this happened in a high school locker room at your local school while a teacher aide looked on? And when the child complained to the principal, he was forced to apologize to his classmates?

I shudder to think how many other young men have endured this type of treatment in pursuit of their dreams.

Can someone please explain to me how this is acceptable in this day and age? And don’t float me the BS about how “I never played the game, so you can’t understand”. If we operated on that logic no one would be able to criticize an elected official because “hey, you’ve never held office, so you don’t know what it’s like!”. Don’t tell me this is ok. It’s not.

Talk to anyone who played minor junior hockey and they will tell you that something like this goes on every year with every team. Maybe not to the same extent, but something like this happens. And while naysayers may say it’s “consensual”, I’m going to guess you could get a 15 year old hockey player dying to prove himself on his team to cut off a toe if the captain told him to. It’s time for this to stop, because instead of a case of “boys being boys” it’s a case of “sexual assault”.

JC/NB

PS: I do want to commend the radio station in Neepawa, CJ Radio, who have suspended it’s coverage of Native’s games, activities and the organization until the coaching staff are fired & the young man is issued an apology.

In my teenage years, like many a young man around the world, I loved Metallica. I loved their first 5 records. They helped to shape who I was and for my money, in the late 80′s & early 90′s, they were the best damn heavy metal band on earth. Bar none.

I also like Lou Reed. I like The Velvet Underground. However, I never, ever thought these two would be teaming up. They’re set to release an album called Lulu, which is apparently a tribute to German writer Frank Wedekind’s turn-of-the-1900s plays Earth Spirit and Pandora’s Box, which tell a “story of a young abused dancer’s life and relationships,”

I like Lou Reed. I like Metallica. But I also like peanut butter. I like sauerkraut. That doesn’t mean that they should go together.

JC/NB

Spotted this beauty today while I was dropping of Fortress at Pawsitively Pooched. What is it about dudes who drive Hummers? Not only are they just actually driving a Hummer, but they have to not only look gawdy, but they have to park/drive like total asshats. Anyways, feel free to poke fun for the rest of the day.

JC/NB

Hey everyone.

I’m back at work. I’ve been gone a long time. Like, In total, aside from Xfest, I feel like I was barely around for the month of August. Some of it was due to holidays, but a lot of it was due to something that totally sucks and has nothing to do with a good time.

On Sunday, August 21st, my wife and I were involved in a car accident near our place in Mackenzie Towne. We were hit by a driver running a red light and my wife, my sweetheart, Mrs. NB, was seriously injured.

She had to be extricated from our car and was rushed to Foothills Hospital were she still is today and will be for a while. While Fortress and I escaped the crash with a few bumps and bruises, Meredith took the direct brunt of the hit, resulting in some broken ribs, fractures to her hip and pelvis, a collapsed lung as well as lacerations to her liver, which she had transplanted 10 years ago. Since then, I’ve been by her side at the hospital or else dealing with all the BS that you need to deal with when you’re involved in an injury accident.

We don’t know when she’s going to be all better. She’s working her ass off in the Foothills to get out of there as soon as possible, but it’s a long way to recovery. My wife has already lived through some tough scrapes in her life and I have no doubts in my mind that she won’t pull through this. However, in the meantime, your pal NB isn’t going to be 100% focused on bringing you the news, information and all things radical from all parts of the world and beyond. Trust me, I missed being at work and I missed each and every one of you guys, but my baby will be at the front of my mind until she’s all better.

In closing, I’d like to thank everyone who’s helped us out so far. From the two great girls from Petland who rushed over and looked after Fortress for me until the next day, from the fast acting and professional dudes from Calgary EMS and the Fire Department, to the onlookers, witnesses and people who rushed to help us. I’d also like to thank the tip top staff at Foothills Medical Center, particularly in the Emergency Room and the Trauma Unit, for making sure my sweetheart didn’t die and getting her the help she needed, as well as getting her on the long road to recovery. I also have to give a huge shout out to our friends, family and strangers who have offered their support and kind words throughout this ordeal. We couldn’t have done it without you. No lie. The amazing staff at Pawsitively Pooched, who have been helping me look after Fortress and even sent us flowers (does YOUR dog daycare do that?) as well as my wife’s employers and co-workers and the crew here at X92.9, especially Carmen, Greg & Darren for filling in for me while I was gone.

Anyways, I’m back now and while I’m not 100% in full effect, I will be as soon as I can.

In the words of Suicidal Tendencies, You Can’t Bring Me (or my wife) Down.

JC/NB

Neither team are Canada’s team. No professional hockey or football team is Canada’s team. Nothing aggravates me more in sports (aside from sports related conspiracy theories which the Vancouver media is already running with) than organizations, members of the media or fans calling their squad “Canada’s Team”. There’s only one. Take that to the bank. The Leafs, The Canadians, The Roughriders or whatever Canadian team is in the playoffs does not speak for an entire nation.

JC/NB